We got married on 24th April 2010, five years to the day that we first met each other. I didn’t realise quite what an affirmation of love and our relationship our wedding day would be. While I spent so much time planning the details, I could never have planned for the support and love and – above all – the joy that everyone shared on the wedding day.
The day before was extremely stressful. Well actually, the lead up to the wedding was more than a bit stressful. As some of you know my (then!) fiancé was diagnosed with testicular cancer in January, which was an enormous shock. Thankfully it was caught very early, and though it was the most rapid growing type of cancer its removal appeared (and appears) to have been curative. However, a strict programme of monthly surveillance was put in place, and an appointment happened to fall the day before the wedding. Inevitably the appointments ran late and they sprung a load of forms on us – some about what ought to be done in the event of my fiancé’s death. Emotions were running high after the appointment and I found it hard to deal with the few things that were left to do. We muddled through, though I dropped my dress in the road, couldn’t take my father-in-law’s teasing and flapped about people being late for the rehearsal. Me and the troops (my parents, the groom, best man, chief bridesmaid, toastmistress) got access to the venue to decorate it after 9:30pm. We strung up the bunting, rolled out the tables and set out the chairs. My toastmistress used to supervise in a restaurant, and she saved our skin with her efficiency – we did the job in under an hour! I was emotionally and physically exhausted by 11pm and I collapsed in bed. I could hear my friends laughing and singing in the next room, but I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow. I slept wonderfully and awoke...
... on my wedding day! I stretched out in the big, strange bed. A very good friend was hosting me, my chief bridesmaid, toastmistress and male-friend-who-wanted-to stay-with-the-girls (my own version of the bridal party). She heard me waking up at 6:30 am and brought me a cup of tea and told me that it was a beautiful, sunny day outside. All the stress of the day before melted away. We chatted away (she is getting married in July) and then she nipped out to get newspapers and pastries. I bounded into the next room and jumped up and down shouting “it’s my wedding day, it’s my wedding day!” like a small child at Christmas. My wonderful hostess friend continued to excel herself by keeping us all topped up with coffee (and champagne!) and not letting us lift a finger.
Prior to the wedding, everyone had mocked me for my lists and timetables: I even made copies and distributed them at the rehearsal. But it was thanks to this that my morning was so calm – unlike the day before! Everything went to time, and having so many people popping in and out didn’t feel stressful because they all knew when to arrive, what they needed to do and when they should eventually make their way to the church.
The first thing to arrive was the flowers, and I was blown away because they were exactly what I wanted. Zoe Jenkins, of Jonquil in Bath, did an amazing job of interpreting my country-fayre brief and made a beautiful bouquet that included bupleurum, tanacetum, delphinium, lisianthus, avalanche roses, gentian and ruscus. The flowers were so much prettier than I could have imagined and I started to have faith that all the detailed planning would actually come together on the day.
Next to arrive was my mum and my hairdresser (who is also a family friend). Chantell started my hair at 10am and it must have been at least 11:15am before it was finished. Again, it was so much better than I had thought and much better than the trial! The photographer arrived at this point to take some photos of the preparation.
My dad arrived with my nieces, who were flowergirls at about 11am. They absolutely loved the whole girly atmosphere, getting their hair done and finally being allowed to put on the dresses that my mum had handmade for them.
The morning continued to whizz by and before I knew it, it was 12:30pm and according to the schedule time for me to put my dress on. Up until this point I was quite unfazed, it had felt like an out-of-body experience, like I was watching another bride getting ready. But as soon as the dress went on my head started to spin and my tummy felt peculiar - and not just because my mum laced me in so sotight! Once the dress was on, it all became apparent that this was my wedding day.
It all became even more real as people began to depart for the church. The next thing I knew, it was time for my mum and the flowergirls to walk to the church. So it was just me, my chief bridesmaid and my dad for half an hour. We talked and laughed and walked around. My chief bridesmaid and I practiced going to the loo (!) many times. With quarter of an hour till 2pm, we decided to get in the car. It was barely a 2-minutes drive to the church but we needed to stop pacing! We piled me into the back of her decorated Fiat 500 and sang Take That’s ‘Never Forget’ at the top of our voices (dad not included!). And then it was time. We arrived at the church with a few minutes to go. Take That was turned off and in their place the air was filled with church bells. I think I lost the use of my knees at that point – they were ringing for me!
Our vicar met us at the church and said some touching words about the special relationship of a father and daughter. And again, before I knew it, the music started playing. ‘Colorblind’ by Counting Crows was our chosen processional song. I gave the flowergirls the signal, then my chief bridesmaid. Then it was just me and dad.
With all eyes on me, I didn’t see anyone except my husband-to-be waiting for me at the end of the aisle. I thought I would remember the music, or walking in on my dad’s arm, but all I remember is looking at my soon-to-be husband and him looking back at me. When I reached him, he leaned to me and whispered that I looked beautiful. I told him I liked his shoes.
I was almost oblivious to anyone else there. When the vicar asked if the congregation would support and uphold our marriage, it was the loud “we will” that reminded me that there were other people in the church. The service seemed really intimate, and the vows were extremely powerful and emotional. When it got to ‘in sickness and in health’ it was all I could do to try and hold myself together.
The service made a point of being grateful for love and life. A reading we had chosen way before January was Ben Okri’s ‘To an English Friend in Africa’ which opens with the line “Live while you are alive”. I think the vicar and my brother thought we might change the reading, but we felt more than ever that this was an important message and my brother read the lines we selected with passion and conviction. We then went to sign the register and the song ‘Just Say Yes’ by Snow Patrol played. It was really uplifting, and I will never forget peeping out and seeing old married couples smiling at each other, seeing friends soon-to-be married kissing, seeing my brother and his children hugging.
I can’t even remember when we had our first kiss or were pronounced husband and wife, the service is a bit of a blur. But what I take from it is the support, the happiness and the joy that I felt. When we walked out the church – to the ‘You and Me Song’ by the Wannadies – I was so proud to be able have my husband by my side.
The sun shone on us and the confetti that I’d painstakingly put into teeny boxes went to good use. Note the groom’s shoes!
After group photographs at the church, the guests made their way down to the church hall for the drinks reception with champagne and cream teas. We had other plans. We took a bit of a gamble and drove to the Royal Crescent in Bath, parked up on a residents only patch and went off for some photographs. It was such a bright, sunny Saturday afternoon that the green was packed. We couldn’t take any photos there, but the ones on the crescent itself more than made up for it!
All eyes were on us, and so many people were shouting congratulations. I felt really special and really relished the attention (ashamed as I am to admit it!)
When our photographer arrived in the morning, his registration plate was AJ59 XTC. AJ were my initials (when I was using my maiden name) and XTC – well, ecstasy! He said it was a sign. Well, as we were returning to the car we saw a traffic warden ticketing the car behind us. Thankfully, the traffic warden was feeling generous and let us drive off before he ‘noticed’ we didn’t have the right permit. What a star!
I had been anxious that the church hall didn’t have much outdoor space, but when we arrived at the reception everyone was lolling in a grassy courtyard I had completely forgotten about. I was so pleased! We arrived to the beautiful sound of Bean Downes playing the Hang. (Video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wiRNZnMOoA for anyone who wants to listen). We first heard Bean when she was busking in town, asked her if she would play out our wedding and she agreed. Though we didn’t hear much of her on the day itself, everyone had wonderful things to say about her and her unique instrument was a great talking point and icebreaker at the drinks reception. My brother also arranged a sweepstake for the length of the speeches which really brought everyone together. I recommend asking someone to do this!
The venue was an absolute gem. I’d always said that the venue was our compromise. We had a lot of live music and a free bar all day and all night as our priority, and plumped for a cheaper venue to make up the difference. However, the church hall was clean and bright and the outdoor space was just right. The effort we made the night before paid off (including the special DIY ‘Just Married’ and ‘Congratulations’ bunting), but I can’t emphasise enough how amazed I was at the impact the linen, place settings and flowers had. Strawberry Field Catering did a great job for us and their front of house staff made everything go smoothly – and to my trusty timetable!
The meal went down a treat, and the Yorkshire puddings pleased even met the exacting standards of my husband’s northern family! We’d made changes to the table plan up until the day before and it was absolutely worth the bother of changing them at the last minute. It was great to sit back and look from table to table and see everyone enjoying themselves. I’ve had so many people since say that they loved their table.
What can I say about the speeches? Well, my friend Gemma who always wins at poker won the sweepstake. They lasted 37 minutes and 51 seconds. But seriously, what can you say about speeches that are only really of interest to yourselves? They were funny and emotional in turn. My dad’s was wonderful and he was the perfectly composed father-of-the-bride. I was so proud. The best man’s was unexpectedly hilarious (I had my doubts). I gave a speech in which I sang happy birthday to my brother (because it was his birthday, I wouldn’t go that far for a laugh!) and tried to express how much I love my husband. TLM’s speech made everyone cry, and me so proud. He’d also arranged for a very dear friend (who lives in Brazil and couldn’t make it) to write a short letter that the toastmistress read out. That girl knows how to write and I was in tears (again!) at the wonderful things she had to say about our relationship.
The cake was an unexpected bonus. After our run of horrific luck (car accident, unexpected house move, TLM’s cancer) we won our wedding cake in a competition run by Maisie Fantaisie who, I’m sure you’ll agree, make stunning cakes. It tasted brilliant too!
After the cake cutting, it was time to let our hair down properly. We had a ceilidh, and Jiggerty played. They were absolutely fantastic, especially in the face of some very left-footed and champagne sodden guests! The ceilidh got everyone to dance and the atmosphere was just fantastic. I had a brilliant time, danced the night away with my new husband and friends and family and revelled in the festivities.
Don’t think that our day went completely flawlessly. At one point the fire alarm went off and at the end of the evening the caretakers didn’t turn up. But I don’t even remember that because my abiding memory is that of sheer happiness and pride to have married my own hero and star.
We walked up to our wedding night hotel, The Bath Priory. They'd done a full romance job on the room and it was just wonderful. We then had our honeymoon in Scotland and proved everyone wrong who mocked our decision by having fantastic weather for 13 out of the 14 days!
I am happiest when the sun is out and the grass is underfoot. Throw in some good company and good food and it's heaven, right?
Hope you're having a lovely weekend too, it's cider time now!
