Surgery update

The surgery is done and TLM is woozy and happy on morphine in the hospital. The consultant said that the testicle appeared to be nothing but cancer any more - but who cares, it's gone now. We have also had the radiologist's report from his CT scan yesterday and it is clear throughout. While we aren't breathing a big sigh of relief just yet, at least we are not holding our breath any more. A biopsy of the tumour and further blood tests to look for/compare markers will dictate now what treatment is needed from here - if anything more than strict observation.

I've returned home to a fridge bursting with fruit and vegetables (I put out an SOS yesterday and left our key under the doormat!) and will be going back to collect TLM in a few hours when he has been debriefed by the surgeon and discharged.

Seriously, have I been living my life over the past three days? It doesn't feel like it.

The relationship between love and food

One day, a few weeks ago, as I munched my lunch at my desk my colleague said, "Alice, seriously, you are so noisy when you eat." The following day, I was eating dinner with TLM and he sighed and said, "I love the way you eat, you always go 'a-nom-nom-nom' and you can tell you really enjoy it". And that, my friends, is why I love TLM. Because he loves the things that other people find annoying.

I am greedy and the reason I cook is because I love to eat. I am mildly addicted to fat and carbs (pastry, mashed potato, cheese) and have a tendency to comfort eat, but in a more balanced state I relish delicious fresh food with brilliant flavours. I have never, to my knowledge, lost my appetite.

But at the moment there is nothing I want to do less than eat, and I don't particularly want to cook and, more to the point, things have been so frantic that we don't even have milk or bread in the house. There is nothing to eat even if we really wanted it. Besides, tomorrow TLM is going in for his orchidectomy and is now fasting in preparation for tomorrow.

I'm guilty of showing my love through cooking, so I'm in a very odd state at the moment where it's not possible to do so ... and I'm feeling lost.

Sorry this post has been so "me, me, me". I don't expect anyone to enlighten me, but if you have any musings to add then please do!

Things can only get ... worse?

I think blogging could be a cathartic exercise. I'll let TLM do the talking.

Can we reboot 2010, please?

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It's well known that getting married, moving house and having to find a job are some of the most stressful life events going.

So with three months until our wedding and starting to feel like we've got everything sorted, we've been given two months' notice to leave our home (as the landlords want to move back in) and I have been given two months' notice that my project may be winding up.

TLM has been working in a hospital some 40 miles away (and living in a cupboard there most of the time due to unsociable hours in A&E) and we have endured being mostly separated for the past six months so I could carry on with my career. He was just gearing up to start commuting now that he has a reasonable timetable.

So we are now left - to put it mildly - in a bit of a pickle. What should we do? Look to find a new home where we live now (as job prospects will be better for me)? Or move to the out-in-the-sticks hospital where there will be fewer opportunities? Will my project miraculously continue? If not, how likely is it that someone will want to employ me with the prospect of me having to take holiday for the honeymoon? How likely is is that there are jobs anyway? With regards to choosing our location, there is the small matter that I need to be attending the church where we currently live, and that we need to have banns read in TLM's parish (and we won't know where that will be until the very nick of time), in order to get married.

In the longer term, TLM has finished applying for jobs starting in August, but where that will take us we have no idea. I know full well that his career will entail us having restricted choices, and that I will have to trail along. But I'm still adverse to unpredictability.

Last year was somewhat rocky and uncertain and I couldn't wait to see the back of it. Looks like 2010 has more surprises in store than we imagined.

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Well, I wrote this last night with a view to posting this today. And what happens this morning? I get a call at 6:15 am to say TLM has been in a car accident. Much fretting and an hour or so later, he calls to say that he is OK. On the way to work he narrowly avoided a head-on collision down a country road. A car was overtaking on a blind corner, and TLM was forced to crash (into a bollard no less) in order to avoid colliding with the lunatic driver on the wrong side of the road. The overtaker, obviously, drove off. More surprisingly, the people being overtaken also carried on without stopping, TLM's car wrapped round a bollard in their rear view mirror and no idea if he was OK or not. The police say there is next to no chance of catching the dangerous driver, and with no evidence of the other person's culpability, or even identity, we're left to foot the excess and take the hit on the no claims.

Oh, and we have to pay for the rebuilding of the bollard.

So, pretty please, could we wipe the slate clean and start this decade afresh?

Christmas stuffing - chestnut, shallot, apple & quince, sage

My dad makes a christmas stuffing that I always thought unsurpassable, but of course us young upstarts will try and usurp our parents won't we? I took HEAVY inspiration from his recipe, but made it less like a meat loaf and more like a stuffing.

When I tasted the tester ball I was actually astounded that I had managed to make something so delicious. It was light, flavoursome, soft and yielding. Since I put the uncooked balls in to store for Christmas, every time I open the freezer I wonder what the delicious smell is, and remember it's the stuffing! This recipe is definitely for keeps.

I improvised the weights and measures from what looked right, so I had to go back and weigh the leftovers to get the recipe. To make 10-12 balls of stuffing.

Ingredients

• 1/2 large cooking apple, diced
  
• 8 - 10 shallots, diced
  
• 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 2 tbspn quince
• 2 tsps mixed herbs
• 1 handful of fresh sage, chopped finely
• 1/2 fresh nutmeg, grated
• salt & white pepper to taste
• 500 g sausagemeat (I squeezed it out of my favourite leek sausages)
  
• 4 slices' worth of breadcrumbs (I always forget to leave it out, so I do it in the oven at 200 C for about 10 mins. I think this actually helps as the bread is crisp but not totally dried out) crumbled up.
  
• 250 g chestnuts (un prepared weight) which should be cooked - look up online if puzzled, I did - and then crumbled up.

How to make it

Fry the apple, shallots, garlic and a pinch of salt until soft. Add the quince, mixed herbs, nutmeg and fresh sage and cook for a further minute or two to combine. Add salt (probably not much at all) and white pepper to taste. Leave to cool.

Put the sausagemeat, bread crumbs and chestnuts into a bowl. Add the cooked mixture once it has cooled. Combine with your hands until everything is evenly spread out.

Take handfuls and roll into balls about the size of a lime. Cook at 200 C for around 20-30 minutes.

I ate the tester ball with cauliflower cheese (naughty, yummy) and it was delicious. Can't wait to have the rest on Christmas day! I have told dad about this stuffing and have set aside a taster for him to try at the weekend. I wonder what he'll think?

They aren't the prettiest of beasts, especially photographed on a winter night- but I hope the picture helps show the consistency.

Crabbie's Alcoholic Ginger Beer

Here's a photo from summer days (they seem a long time ago now don't they?) of a bottle of Crabbie's Alcoholic Ginger Beer. I stumbled upon it in a pub in the middle of a long walk in Devon and thought it was just the ticket. It proved refreshing and soporific and was surprisingly spicy. I thought it might be a muted flavour, either because of the alcohol or what I perceived as the 'market', but it was really quite delicious. I've not found it since, but judging by the fact I've just spied it as sponsoring the British Comedy Awards, I don't think it'll be long before I see it again.

If I see it soon, it might be just right mulled. If I don't see it till next year, I look forward to another sunny country day and a long, cold drink!

Christmas Cheer

I cycled into town really early to get my favourite bike stand and to get to the markets before they were swamped. The cycle in by the canal was wonderful. There was not a single other soul on the tow path, so I cycled and sang carols and admired the crisp bright weather.

Got some lovely chestnuts, sausage meat & Gloucester Old Spot bacon to make an experimental stuffing today. Also got an enormous cauliflower to make cauliflower cheese and stash some away in the freezer for Christmas day.

I managed to pick up a couple of Christmas presents and got my cake boards so I can decorate my Christmas cakes later on. I was feeling full of the festive spirit and ready to head back home.

Then, in front of me, a mother asked her child in a sing-song voice, " Are you sulking?". At first I chuckled to myself because it can be quite easy to get grumpy and sticky and frustrated in the crowds, so I sympathised. The child emphatically shook her head, then the mother crouched closer and hissed in her ear, "Good, because if you are I'll f***ing strangle you." I couldn't quite contain my shock, but managed to stifle my intake of breath. What can you do when you hear something like that? Cycling home I thought about all the people who aren't going to be having such a happy Christmas.